Flowers and Thorns

I took The D to his and mother's house today. It was great to see all his beautiful plants coming to life. Irises, roses, peonies. And flowering quince. I took it upon myself to cut some branches to bring home and put in vases, just like they do in Southern Living. I had to climb down a slippery slope, ankle deep in dead leaves, to get to the flowers. Later he told me there were snakes down there and that he'd killed a big one with a garden hoe. Oh, well. After the stupid feral cat darted out of his greenhouse and scared the shit out of me, it didn't seem like such a big deal. So I took his pruning shears and cut to my heart's content. And then the thorn. Damn, it was an inch long. Went an inch into my finger. Right under my fingernail. Luckily, The D was waiting in the car, safe from poisonous reptiles and feral cats, so he didn't hear me say "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Oh, that reminds me. In The King's Speech, Berty (King George IV) would get frustrated and say some of my favorite words over and over. Fuck. Shit. And Bugger. I loved it. It relieved his anxiety. Imagine that.

Back to the thorns. Isn't that like life? Full of tradeoffs. Pleasure and pain. Hidden dangers we don't think about when we're in pursuit of beauty. Miraculous new medicines and dangerous side effects. And love.

According to Alfred Lord Tennyson, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Or Lady Antebellum, "Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all." I don't know if I believe it. But I do believe what I learned in Microeconomics. So goes risk, so goes return. And lately, I've been taking risks. Sometimes calculated. Sometimes reckless. But I haven't regretted any of them. Including my ill-fated investment in IndyMac - the largest bank in U.S. history to go belly-up. Every day when I look at my stock portfolio, I'm reminded of it. I'd sell it if the brokerage commission weren't more than what it's worth. Or if I could deduct the loss on my return. But since it's in my IRA, it's no use to me. So I choose to see it as a reminder. Tuition. That's why I don't regret it. I think it's paid off a hundred-fold - I'm a much better investor now. I'm happy to report that I have plenty more wins than losses. Better than the benchmarks - the true test. I've developed my own style. I'm a contrarian, but I'm all about the fundamentals. Each time I miss, I perform an autopsy and figure out how I went wrong. Buying on impulse from a hot tip from a fellow investor or a stupid analyst on CNBC saying it's a sure thing.

I could write a whole blog about how investing is like life. Unfortunately, no time for that. I'll just say that the way I see it is that there are four major components to how well a stock does: the psychology of the market; the financial strength of the company; the quality of management; and the value of their product.

Soooo, after playing it safe for so long, it feels good to take chances. Now that I have kiddo raised and off to college (he's going back tomorrow morning, by the way), I'm not afraid. Which is why I went out on a limb and bought a new house without selling my old one. And started my own business. Hired my first employee.

And started this blog. At first, I was way out of my comfort zone with so much self-disclosure. But I had that epiphany I blogged about. That my life was my own. I embraced myself for who I am. Tossed convention to the curb. And basically said "Fuck you" to my haters. It was so freeing.

It feels good to be fearless for a change. So free. Like Janis said. Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose. I have lots to lose, but none of it is worth as much as the joy of living my life without boundaries.