I'm So Emo...

Poor Daddler.  I don't know what got into me, but I made a huge effort with his din-din tonight, complete with Nanner Puddin', three cherries on top, and multi-colored sprinkles.  Shrimp cocktail and seafood salad on a bed of lettuce.  I needed to nurture.  I was feelin' the love.

Because I don't say it.  And I've been thinking that as messed up as my childhood was, it was pretty peachy in the whole scheme of things.  I knew that I was loved.  Unconditionally.  How many people in this world have that?

So I muted The D's tv, told him I wanted to say some things and that he didn't have to respond.  I told him that as hard as it's been for both of us, I take great comfort in having him with me.  That I know it must be hard for him to depend on me so much, but I hope he knows that I depend on him, too.  That I'm happy he made the move with me, and that he's found a church home so close by.  That I'd be terribly lonely without him.  Right when I was getting verklempt, the phone rang.  The elusive rental agent.  The D looked relieved when I excused myself to take the call.

It's been a strange, but monumental day.  I was seeking clarity, when out of the blue, I heard from two people who complicated my life immensely.  I thought I was over them.  Done.  But it turns out I'm not.  I acted prudently, though.  Thought rationally.  Thought about Mr. Man.  Considered the fact that he's a long shot, but truth be told, these two are longer shots.  And they both pose major hurdles.  Ones that I don't have the strength to attempt.  And with him, I have unfettered fun.  Have I mentioned that he makes me laugh so hard I poot?  He does.  And I do.  But that's the only time.  Ever.  It's all his fault...

So for now, I'll do my best to content myself with the two, imperfect men in my life.  Kiddo and The Daddler.  They both make me crazy, but they make me happy, too.  Just knowing we're in it for the long haul is everything.