Confession is good for the soul...

...so here goes: 

Forgive me, people.  It's been six days since my last confessional blog post.  Lots has happened since Tuesday.  I've committed some venial sins.  I've had violent, murderous thoughts toward several parties.  I'm hoping that the fact that they deserve to die a slow, torturous death will ameliorate the seriousness of my transgressions - I'd hate to have comitted mortal sins.  In case you don't already know, the difference between venial and mortal sins is as follows (per Wikipedia):

A venial sin does not concern a "grave matter," is not comitted with full knowledge, or is not comitted with both deliberate and complete consent. 

Therefore, if it doesn't fit into all three categories, it's not venial.  It's mortal.  Which ain't good.  I think it involves a lake of fire, weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and other unpleasantness.  Apparently, my good karma doesn't amount to a hill of beans since I've continued to be afflicted by so many unbearable tribulations.  The karma credits are a result of the fact that I pick up rusty nails in the street on my runs - as many as 12 after it rains - and take them home to dispose of safely?  I hope the fact that I haven't gotten a flat tire lately is not the only reward I'll get for that selfless act.

About my sins, I won't provide the details here, because that could be used by extremist, religious fanatics to support the argument that I had full knowledge of my actions.  On the other hand, I've used the defense of "not guilty by reason of insanity" successfully in the past, so maybe it'll work again.  I have plenty of friends who will attest to my inability to make rational decisions when I shift into a quixotic  state.  By the way, in case you didn't know, quixotic rhymes with Twixotic.  You say the X in the usual English way, not an H like when you say Don Quixote.   But I digress.

Back to my legal defense.  I also have some licensed professionals who would take the stand to defend me, I'm sure.  (See comments above re rusty nails, and you'll understand the severity of my "challenges.")  OCD is a bitch.  Crazy-making.  It's what causes me to have such extreme, compulsive tendancies toward the evil princes of darkness who constantly attack me.  Specifically, Comcast, health insurance companies, and too many others to name.

Well, I'm thinking that unless I act on my evil impulses, I don't need to worry.  On the other hand, I seem to remember hearing something to the effect that if we think it in our heart, it's the same as doing it.  I think it's attributed to JC.  That is, Jimmy Carter.

Wow.  Crazy, huh?  Not like me at all.  Gotta run.  Literally.  It's time to retrieve some rusty nails from the mean streets of Memphis..