Breaking Belly Button News

I do have an infected navel. I did have to wait three hours to see the doctor. She did not give me antibiotics (I told you they were impossible to get). She did not give me morphine, either. Damn, I meant to ask for that.

I don't have a piercing. Apparently, just bad hygiene. One of my loyal followers informed me that there's a proper way to clean a belly button. Am I the only one who didn't know they needed cleaning? Why didn't my mother teach me?

Check it out: http://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Your-Belly-Button
There's an eight step process, complete with implements and a special spray.
Belly buttons are one of the hardest areas on your body to clean. Some people have lint and dirt in their belly button. Here is how to clean your belly button and make your body clean.

My favorite step is #2:
Give yourself plenty of time. You could hurt yourself rushing. Be very patient.

Damn, which would be more embarrassing? Getting an infected belly button because you never cleaned it or hurting your belly button because you got in a hurry while you were cleaning it?

At first I thought this was a joke and then I realized that the makers of Navel Fresh Spray probably posted it. Where can I get some of that shit?

Ok, I think I've exhausted that subject. And I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go squirt a little Bactroban (prescription antibiotic cream - does that count as getting antibiotics?) in the old navel and hit the sack. Because tomorrow's another day and two more doctor's appointments. If we finish at the VA hospital in time for the second one. Which is doubtful.