Welcome to my world!

My life's been crazy since my Daddy moved in with me immediately after my mother's death in October 2010. My one and only kiddo headed to college at Carolina at the end of August. So...I lived on my own, for the first time in my life, for a total of a blissful six weeks. Then, I started the parenting gig with my dad. He's a combination of a grouchy old man, a surly teenager and a temperamental toddler. Needless to say, I get very close to the brink of insanity sometimes. I get through life by finding the humor in difficult circumstances. And for some reason, I wind up in the weirdest situations. I couldn't make this stuff up. So I wind up having lots and lots crazy adventures which make great stories to share with my friends. Writing about my life is so therapeutic. My ramblings range from funny to sad to angry (full of cuss words) to sweet. While my focus is dealing with the trials and tribulations of being a parent to my Daddy, I have lots of random, totally unrelated posts. Whatever's on my mind. I love to make people laugh, and I'm happy to think my readers will get my strange sense of humor. And maybe, people who are in my situation will be encouraged. That's all I can hope for...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Too Good to Be True Tuesday

Didn't expect it, but the day turned out great. But it's only afternoon. Still.

Last night, I followed my regular routine of falling asleep on the sofa, waking up at 1:46 a.m., dragging myself to bed, brushing teeth, washing face, and hoping to fall back asleep in less than two hours. Thank god for talk radio. Last night it was extra-terrestrials, crop circles and UFOs. Soothing. The electromagnetic ones scare me. Especially since The D has a pacemaker and I use cordless phones. Hey, just thought of this. Isn't the radio sent through EM waves? Why else would you hear it through your fillings?

So this morning, I dragged my ass out of bed when I heard The D's footsteps. Damn these hardwood floors/conventional foundation. Maybe I should install shag carpet like whatever the previous owner had which resulted in the bottoms of the doors being shaved off three inches. Talk about no privacy. Not that I need any these days.

I met The D in the kitchen. He told me we were out of coffee. I thanked my lucky stars when I found some in the fridge. After all, doesn't that help with constipation? While he was making coffee, I held out a granny smith apple and asked him if he wanted it with his muffin. He asked me what it was. Sad commentary that he hasn't seen an apple since we've been cohabitating. I told him it was an apple. He said ok. So I washed it and cut it up into slices (a toddler thing). Then I started this stupid blog. Next thing I knew, it was 10:30. I got a text from the payroll service guy confirming our 1:00 meeting. Good thing - I thought it was at 2:00. Quick shower. Then I got a call from the home health manager asking me to meet with her and a new version of Shernitra. By then it was 11:30. Time to fix The D's lunch. He didn't want Corky's. He wanted the three day old half hot dog from Sam's. I loaded it with kraut (fiber), gave him a few potato chips (no fiber), a fruit cup (fiber) and some four day old Wendy's chili - is there fiber in kidney beans? Hopefully fiber, without e coli.

Supper: Corky's w/ cole slaw and corn on the cob. When kiddo was a toddler, it seems like it came out looking just like it went in. So that says lots of fiber. TTTG. Too Tired To Google it. Just checked and I'm out of fiber wafers. I guess I should cut up more celery sticks. Dare I give him banana puddin'?

Ok, enough about fiber and poop. On to the good stuff. Met with payroll service sales guy. They love CPAs. Didn't tell him my license is inactive. I just promised lots of new biz. Scored major swag: cool, earth friendly aluminum water bottle; not one, but two mouse pads complete with anti-carpal-tunnel syndrome gel pads; a calculator which magically folds up into a great anti-carpal-tunnel-position when you push the on-button; and last but not least - a CCH Master Tax Guide, complete with online access - a $677 value. I was screaming - Oh My God - a Master Tax Guide - I love you!! Right after that, I heard two men talking in the adjacent conference room through the a/c vent. Damn. I skulked out. But happy with my swag. I swear, dude swaggered as he walked me to the elevator. Screw my reputation, if it gets me more swag! Parking lot was a river and I played twister trying to avoid deep puddles, made the mistake of stepping on gravel which looked solid and dry, but instead, was quicksand. Still, it didn't get me down.

Then I headed to paint store to pick up five gallon bucket of paint for Mother & Daddy's house - GOTTA fix it up to sell or rent. I gave the asst. manager my usual sad saga re dead mother and grouchy daddler, and smiled sweetly and did my best job of flirting (I'm terrible at that, but when money's involved, I have no pride). It worked. I scored a 44% discount - just by asking. Plus he threw in a free paint roller cover ($5 value). Instead of spending $293, it was just $165 - I saved $128. Feeling kind of slutty though. Had to endure leers of two old men who stood back while cute asst mgr rang me up. They said crap under their breath, but I just sang a song in my head. The good news is that cute asst mgr didn't proposition me when he carried 150 lb bucket of paint to my car - what a mensch!

Finally, home. The stock market wasn't a blood bath for me - big relief. The D was really spry. Didn't ask if he'd pooped. He ran in with the mail and told me to take care of the Important Tax Return Document Enclosed thing from the bank. Then asked me if I was going to use the people who did their return for $25 last year. I told him I'd get it done for free. I admit it, I shaded the truth a little bit. I can't fuck with tax returns, even with my handy-dandy Master Tax Guide. Not driving to Cordova to get it done, though. Plus, they made a mistake last year. A few minutes later, he ran in with a heavy box from UPS. I couldn't remember my latest Amazon order, so grabbed the scissors. He was extremely interested in the heavy contents. As I held it over cat's head, he said "Don't drop it on the cat", and then he snatched her from the jaws of death in the form of his clumsy daughter. Big let-down - QuickBooks checks for client. Oh, well.

Oh, more good news. Got a letter from VA acknowledging my Poor Pitiful Me letter dated December 31, 2010 and sent by FedEx at 9:30 p.m. that same day (Last-Minute Lucy, I know). They actually considered it an application. Now gotta write letter for incompetent doc to sign when I take The D for bloodwork Thursday. Just to explain why he needs "Aid and Assistance" and can't live independently. Should I mention the poop issue?

Ok, fixed dinner for The D. Feeling like Daughter Theresa. Corky's, toasted bun, cole slaw, fresh corn on the cob (I sliced it off - major labor of love), and nanner puddin. Now, gonna dance around the den to stupid pop songs with good beats. A few pushups and situps, and I'll feel complete...

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