Welcome to my world!

My life's been crazy since my Daddy moved in with me immediately after my mother's death in October 2010. My one and only kiddo headed to college at Carolina at the end of August. So...I lived on my own, for the first time in my life, for a total of a blissful six weeks. Then, I started the parenting gig with my dad. He's a combination of a grouchy old man, a surly teenager and a temperamental toddler. Needless to say, I get very close to the brink of insanity sometimes. I get through life by finding the humor in difficult circumstances. And for some reason, I wind up in the weirdest situations. I couldn't make this stuff up. So I wind up having lots and lots crazy adventures which make great stories to share with my friends. Writing about my life is so therapeutic. My ramblings range from funny to sad to angry (full of cuss words) to sweet. While my focus is dealing with the trials and tribulations of being a parent to my Daddy, I have lots of random, totally unrelated posts. Whatever's on my mind. I love to make people laugh, and I'm happy to think my readers will get my strange sense of humor. And maybe, people who are in my situation will be encouraged. That's all I can hope for...

Thursday, July 7, 2011

What is Wrong With Me?

I'm going to blame it on FF and the stupid gesticulating thing. It's like the last two days I've been even more off-balance than usual. Literally.

I fell out of the chair at my church client's office today. Fortunately, the minister had just walked out of my office and didn't see me fall or hear whatever choice words flew out of my mouth. It was one of those rolling secretary chairs and I think a wheel was loose, but it didn't help that I tend to perch rather than sit. So I fell flat on my ass. It seemed like my knee popped a little, but it didn't hurt. Then.

I didn't think much more about it. Came home and ran two miles. I did really well. Then when I hit the swingset, I felt it. My knee started hurting. Dammit. I put some ice on it and it seems fine now. Let's hope. Now my butt is sore. I'm sure I'll have some new bruises. I bruise easily to start with, but since I started taking Omega 3 fish oil, I'm like an over-ripe peach. In fact, the other day, my doctor asked me if I was in an abusive relationship when she saw the big ole' bruise on my arm. Luckily she didn't see where the ironing board fell on my leg the week before.

Back to my fall. I picked myself up and got back to work. The June bank statement hadn't come yet so I went online to print the closest thing I could get (stupid bank software). Well, it turns out the bank has done some kind of security upgrade since the last time I accessed the account and it had FOUR new security questions. I should've just put in my own answers, but since everything's in one of the trustee's names, I gave her a call. Each one of the four questions had about 12 choices of questions. So I started rattling them off to her. Same old stupid questions. Here's where I got stupid. I'm still cringing.

I inserted my own little (made-up) security question. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?" Dead silence on the other end. I quickly laughed WAY too hard and said I was kidding, of course. More silence. I apologized and asked her to excuse my weirdness and said that I'd had a strange week and I was sorry that I was inappropriate. She finally said it was ok, and I quickly began to read the real, but boring, questions. I thanked her profusely and hung up and continued cringing.

Now, I should tell you that I've met this woman several times. I thought she was kinda fun and cool. Well, get this. When the secretary got back from lunch, I told her about my stupid attempt at humor. She told me that my victim had never been married. Whoa. More cringing. Because I'm thinking that as unfunny as it might seem to a church lady, if the church lady were still a virgin, it would probably be even worse. Or worse than that, she might've thought I KNEW she'd never been married and was assuming or implying that she WASN'T still a virgin. Oh. My. God.

The secretary didn't even attempt to console me. Maybe that's because yesterday I did something almost as stupid. I was sitting at the secretary's desk, trying to fix her email, when the doorbell rang. There's a monitor and speaker so she can see who's there and buzz them in. Well, the camera must be placed in a weird position because you can never see who's there. It gets some random piece of clothing or body part. I was expecting the treasurer, who was supposed to be there at that very moment to meet with me. He gets my sense of humor, so when the secretary pushed the button to say "Come in", I shouted, "Go away!"

Turns out, it wasn't the treasurer. It was a church lady. Damn. Luckily, she was old and the speaker's terrible, so the secretary didn't think the church lady heard me.

Damn. I'm so exhausted. It's not easy being me. I should work another four hours - I am SO fuckin' behind, it's not funny. But I think I'm going to go take a hot bath and go to bed early and set my alarm for some ungodly hour. The only problem is that if I do that, I'll have limited time to get ready for my 1:30 meeting tomorrow and that client is breathing down my neck. And then I meet with my most important client Saturday morning, and he's expecting lots of stuff (which I've promised to deliver), but since he hasn't been pushing me, I've been bowing and scraping to these other two clients and painted myself into a corner for Saturday's meeting.

I think I'll go take that hot bath and come back and work a couple hours. The only problem is that when I work late, I get keyed up and can't go to sleep. But if I don't, I'll wake up at 1:00 in a panic because I'll be so anxious about tomorrow. Fuck. As much fun as I had in Boston last week, I'm wondering if it was worth it. More than that, though, I'm wondering why in the hell I became an accountant.

But the truth is, I'm really just wondering if I need to let go of one of my clients. After my spectacular performance for my church client this week, that might just happen on its own. Unfortunately, they're not the one I'd choose. Just my luck.

Such a strange week. I checked to see if the moon is full, and it's not. So it must be the excess gesticualation thing. Or not.

No time to figure it out right now. All for now...


  1. This is soooooo funny. Your church lady has absolutely NO sense of humor. And besides, while reading I was actually proud of you for not going postal over the bank security questions crap. So see how well you are....humor instead of anger/frustration. Congratulations.
    Married, widowed, divorced or celibate or not, it was funny. :o)
    As all my Spanish friends say "jajajajajaja"

  2. And besides, I just read this in your blog sub-title:
    "I get through life by finding the humor in difficult circumstances."