Great New Ideas

I followed through on last Thursday's brilliant idea. I took The D to the senior center today. In time for lunch. Ham, lima beans, cornbread, greens, salad and peach cobbler. He said it was "pretty good". Translation: very good.

I hung around, harrassing Betsy, the volunteer receptionist - my new best friend. She's hilarious. Gotta love any lady who cusses like a sailor! Then the activities director, a huge guy with a great sense of humor, came up behind me and put me in a chokehold. He said, "When was the last time anyone put you in a headlock?" I said, "The last time I kneed someone in the groin." I proceeded to do the twisting maneuver involving my elbow in his ribs. I learned it in the one and only self defense class I've ever attended. I stopped short of the knee action. But in the process, I hit my hand on the corner of the desk. It resulted in an instant bruise and some blood. I told him if I get MRSA, I'll sue his ass off. He ran to get a bandaid. Why does no one take me seriously when I threaten to sue them?

I think he likes me. He seems to forget all the old people when I'm around and kinda hovers. He was very sweet, though, and walked the mile path with The D.

Daddy seemed fine with staying, so I headed home to work. On my way to pick him up, I stopped at Fresh Market. Outrageously expensive but outrageously good. I bought a salmon burger, banana nut bread, dried okra, and best of all, Tropical Shrimp and Mango Salad.

Luckily, Daddy's not a picky eater. The shrimp salad had this amazing asian-tasting dressing with a vinegar-peanut flavor. Yum. He liked the salmon burger. I gave him leftover greens and crowder peas. And of course, celery, carrots and red bell peppers! Fresh Market banana nut bread and grapes for dessert.

I told him to eat the bran muffins I bought for breakfast. Then I asked him if he'd gone #2 today. He said he had. I hate to admit how happy that makes me.

Which reminds me of the toddler angle. On the way to pick him up at the senior center, I drove past my kiddo's school - he went there from 3K to 6th grade. I remembered how sweet it was when he was three years old. When I got there, his face lit up and he ran and jumped into my arms. By middle school, of course, he looked embarrassed when I arrived. The D didn't run and jump into my arms, but he didn't look embarrassed either.

I spent the next 45 minutes harrassing Betsy, the volunteer receptionist. Activities guy appeared. Sweet couple was there, asking about the programs - they were thinking of joining. They had an eastern European accent. Betsy asked where they hailed from. They didn't know what she meant at first. I said, "Wait, let us guess!" Betsy said Russia. Wrong. I said Czech Republic. No. They gave a few hints, and I was about to give up when somewhere from the deep recessive parts of my quickly deteriorating brain, Poland appeared. I blurted it out. Bingo!

I started asking questions, and the answers were incredibly, unbelievably fascinating. The husband, Jerry, was in the Polish Underground during WWII. He'd helped many people escape and hide. They had many Jewish friends and even though he didn't say it, I'm sure he risked life and limb by being part of the resistance. His wife, Ruth, had been sent to a work camp. And was in a small minority of survivors. They came to America after the war. Buffalo. He was a dentist. They came to Memphis in 1962 when St. Jude opened. He was one of the first doctors on staff. His last job before retiring was professor of dentistry at UT Memphis. 88 years old. In such amazing shape. Brilliant, with piercing blue eyes. Charming. His wife was so funny. We laughed and laughed. She gave him hell and it was clear they not only loved each other, but after 60 years of marriage, they actually liked each other. Gotta love that.

I love, love, love making new friends. And somehow, I felt an instant affinity for Ruth. She reminded me of my mother in ways I can't define. I'm going to ask them to dinner soon. They live near me. Lovely, dear people.

I'm so happy with my great ideas. The D really liked the center and it took care of lunch. Splurging on Fresh Market food took care of dinner. And with the money I'm saving on help, the Fresh Market thing is worth every penny.

I want to join the senior center, but Betsy tells me I'm too young. I pounded my fist on the counter and said, "By God, I'm a taxpayer and this is age discrimination! I'll sue you and the city!" She gave me a look that clearly said "Fuck you, Bitch." I love her for that...

Pills...

Daddy brought me his empty pill box last night. When I walked through the kitchen this morning, I remembered that I need to fill it. I bought new ones last week. Easier to use.

Only problem is that the old ones used blue covers for night and red for morning. This morning, when I was loading the new ones, I realized that the blue ones said A.M. and the red ones said P.M. When I filled them last week, I put them in backwards. Oh, shit. The D was still asleep so I couldn't ask him if he'd taken them backwards, too. I started loading them and put the pills in according to the labels instead of the colors. Then halfway through, I decided to switch to the colors, because I was getting confused. For me, color coding is the best way to organize things, like my files. Somehow I can't always read the labels, but I can remember colors. A different color for each client. Plus, I figured Daddy had gone by the colors, too. I finished them up and changed the labels with a sharpie.

When The D got up, I asked him how he'd been taking them. Big sigh of relief when he said the took them based on which pills were in each one - lots more night ones than morning. He's got it going on. Thank heavens. I don't...

Mellifluous Monday

Wow. Too good to be true. I woke up to my Google calendar email saying, "You have no events scheduled today." At 8:30 no less. Nice since it was snowing.


I went to my Sunday School Super Bowl party last night. Had fun, but embarrassed myself by asking if the Jets were ahead. When they said it was Green Bay v. Philly, I said, "Oh, of course. The Pirates." Needless to say, it was good for a laugh, but I felt really stupid. Or smart - clearly not a member of the hoi polloi. Stupid can be charming. In the right crowd. Hopefully, I came across as a genius, preoccupied with higher thoughts, rather than a ditzy, silly woman. Hell, I don't give a shit. Like Popeye says, I yam what I yam. Words to live by.

After a great, very productive day, I decided to do some major cooking for The D. I cooked crowder peas, made potato casserole, cut up veggies, baked a Sister Schubert roll, and gave him grapes for dessert.

He told me this morning that he hadn't pooped in two days. Wanted a laxative. I told him we should push the veggies and fruit first. Asked him if he was tired of celery, carrots, cucumbers and peppers, and he said no. Loaded him up tonight.

Very sweet thing. When I took him dinner on his tray, he told me I shouldn't do all that cooking. When he brought his clean plates to the kitchen, he said he liked it, and again, said I shouldn't go to so much trouble. Affirmation - I live for it.

I'm hoping I can take him to lunch at the senior center tomorrow.

I'm feeling better every day. I think he is, too.

For that, I'm grateful...

Creative Catharsis

I was up at the crack of dawn today, and just happened to look out the kitchen window and saw the sunrise. So beautiful.

Suddenly I've become addicted to HGTV. Something about makeovers is infinitely interesting. The great thing is that I'm in the middle of redoing my parents' home. Mother and Daddy used to love home projects, but the last few years with their health problems, they couldn't do it any more. Consequently, their house is very dated.

They did so much for my house. They were great paper hangers, painters and fixer-uppers. And the price was right. I love my mother - she was amazing. Her arm strength and stamina were unbelievable. Much more than mine. She used to tease me and say she got more done before noon than I did all day. That was true then, but with all my new responsibilities, including my client work, and of course, The D, I'm becoming much more like Mother. I still can't hang wallpaper, but since it's not in style these days, that's no biggie.

A funny story. Mother loved to organize cabinets and drawers. She cleaned out my kitchen junk drawer. I called her to say thank you. She told me that she'd found a plastic bag filled with some sort of dried green "herb." I could tell that she thought it was Mary Jane. I said, "Mother, that is catnip!" She said she didn't think I used drugs. I could hear the relief in her voice and we had a good laugh.

I'll never forget Mother telling me that she and Daddy couldn't take on any more projects. They just weren't strong or healthy enough any longer. That was a turning point in their lives. It broke my heart.

After that, I was responsible for my own projects. I painted my living room in one day. No small feat. The project I'm proudest of is painting my hallway and making stripes with glaze. I'm gonna do that beneath the chair rail in M & D's dining room. Much smaller project, especially considering that my hallway is 30 feet long and it took me six months to finish. Off and on, of course. I'm great at starting things, but terrible at finishing them.

I remember showing Mother my finished hallway and she said, "Carol, you are so creative." She was always so affirming with me. Since I'm an affirmation junkie, you can see why I loved her so much.

Speaking of the hallway, several years before, I'd picked a nice chocolate brown paint and my parents started painting it while I was at work. Mother called me that morning and asked me if I meant to get purple paint. I told her to stop and that I'd take a look at it before they did any more work. I got home and sure enough, the hall was a muddy, icky purple color. I got the paint swatch, sure there was a mistake, and strangely, when I put my beautiful brown paint swatch up to the wall, it was the same color. I've learned the hard way that it's impossible to choose paint from the swatch.

The D was great at refinishing furniture, cutting and installing chair rails, base boards, crown molding. I used to love to find things at the raw wood furniture store and turn them over to The D. He finished my very first, little round kitchen table, with just some kind of natural oil finish. Daphne wants it. So does my housekeeper. It's great. I can't part with it even though I don't have a good spot for it now. My current kitchen table was another raw wood purchase. He painted the legs and base vanilla bean - same as my trim. He sealed the butcher block top with a natural varnish. I still love it.

He was a really great gardener. My brother bought him a greenhouse and he loved it. He'd start his tomatoes, cucumbers, herbs and lots of other plants in there. His tomatoes were my favorite food in the whole wide world. He started roses from cuttings. Planted trees. One for each grandchild, complete with a tag with their names on them. So incredibly sweet. The D's way of expressing affection is by doing things for the people he loves. That's why every time he brings the garbage cans and recycling bins back from the curb or brings me the mail, it warms the cockles of my heart. He even unloads my car for me.

Kiddo came home for fall break. It turned out that he was here when Mother died. He got to see her just a few hours before she took her last breath. I warned him about how bad she was and that she wasn't conscious. I told him to talk to her anyway. When he walked into her hospital room, he had to be shocked to see her. She was so jaundiced and yellow, her tongue was hanging out, her breath was labored, and she looked dead already. I know it had to break his heart, but he didn't show it. He walked to her bedside, leaned over her and very quietly told her that he loved her. Thanked her for her generous gifts, including money to use to furnish his dorm room. He told her how much he liked his room with the things he'd bought for it with her gift. He thanked her for contributing to the cost of his trip to Europe the year before. That he was enjoying college. And one more time, that he loved her. It makes me teary just thinking of it. It was a profound moment. All of sudden, my surly teenager was a man. He was kind and compassionate to me. I barely saw him during the few days he was here, and he had to go back to school the morning of her funeral, but I was thankful that he was home to see her before she died and to go to her visitation.

Back to The D and Kiddo. I'd parked Kiddo's car (which was my brother's before he died) at my parents' house when he left for school. They were so happy that we bought it for him - so much sentimental value. I took Kiddo to their house to pick it up. Later that day, The D told him that he'd washed it for him. Once again, The D shows his love through his actions.

Daph decided that we should move the greenhouse to my yard. Great idea! I want Daddy to start gardening again. He planted pansies in my flower boxes on the front porch. He faithfully waters them. I'm already craving his tomatoes. I've tried to grow them before, with no success. Of the three tomatoes my plants produced, squirrels ate two of them. I want him to make cuttings of his beautiful pink roses for me. I know he'll love having his greenhouse here. He used to spend lots of time puttering in it.

That reminds me of another funny story. One day Mother called to tell me that there was a white van with government plates parked in front of their house. And that there was a helicopter circling overhead. She was sure the police thought The D was growing pot in his greenhouse. I guess when they saw this sweet retired couple out in their yard, their suspicions were allayed. She said she wished they had raided the greenhouse. She'd have loved seeing their faces when they encountered tomato plants, herbs (legal ones), and rose cuttings.

Back to HGTV. I had a marathon viewing this morning. I woke up at 1:30 this morning after falling asleep on the sofa last night. I couldn't go back to sleep, so started watching all the shows I recorded yesterday. The fun thing is that Daph and I are in the middle of fixing up Mother and Daddy's house to rent or sell. I bought lots of Copper Haze paint to use throughout. And tons of ceiling paint. We've hired friends to do the hard work, and I'm experimenting with painting the cabinets, striping the dining room, and buying lots of perfect, inexpensive accessories. Ross has unbelievable bargains - I love that store. I'm sure we'll get every penny out of what we spend and then some. Seeing the progress is so satisfying. I took The D over yesterday to see it. I was worried that he might not like the idea of our changing it, but it turned out that he liked it. Big relief.

Well, The D is up so I'll start my Sunday routine. Sitting in the living room with him. Reading the paper and drinking coffee. And watching CBS this morning. It's been the best weekend I've had in a very, very long time. So cathartic...

Time to Pay the Piper

After a frantic Friday at the end of my wild week, my buddy Jessica and I arranged to meet after work at the new Jim's Place, just to belly up to the bar, have a quick drink and order dinner to go for The D. She was exhausted, too.

Turned out, it was THE happenin' place. Bar crammed but I managed to snag a couple seats. I tossed back a couple beers while J sipped a martini - extra dirty. I love it when she gets those because I get to eat the olives! We started playing a really fun bar game. No, it wasn't beer pong. But I was pretty good at quarters back in the day. I haven't played pong, but I'm thinking there's much more skill involved in quarters.

J had a much more sophisticated game in mind. We'd pick someone and try to figure out his or her story. We're very hard on the women, but even harder on the men. We wound up having a great convo with the two cute guys next to us. They were young and married, so it was harmless fun. The pretty young wife of one of them showed up, and we loved her! They were good sports - we played 20 (more like 50) questions, trying to figure out where they worked, what they did, etc. I tried to guess their first names based on their initials. Never got the first one. Do you know how many names start with J? The second guy's name started with B and I got it the very first time. They were impressed.

We laughed so much and before you could say "Bob's your uncle", it was 9:00. We closed our tab and when I got home with The D's dinner, he had gone to bed. I felt terrible.

This morning when he got up, I asked if he'd found something for dinner, and he said no. I told him I was so sorry, but he said it was ok. I fixed him waffles for breakfast and that absolved my guilt. In the interest of full disclosure, though, they were just Eggos. But I did make his favorite French toast twice this week.

I asked him if he wanted to go to the senior center this week and he said yes. I'm so glad. It'll be good for him.

I've given up trying to find someone to help me around the house. The second woman the agency sent only lasted three days. I'm just wondering if saving $18/hour is enough to motivate me to do the frickin' laundry and dishes. We'll see.

If The D eats lunch at the senior center, I could just pick up dinner somewhere, and I can go back to the PB&J sandwiches I was eating between Kiddo's departure for college and The D's arrival. Not many dirty dishes or grocery shopping that way. Laundry's not that bad if I can stay on top of it. Housekeeper comes once/week for the heavy duty cleaning.

Had a good dream about Mother last night. I told The D about it. She was healthy and strong, he was kissing her, and I took her to their house and she liked the painting and fixing up we've done so far. Evil older sister showed up, quite contrite and apologizing profusely (that'll never happen), and somehow I was able to forgive her. Kinda. I think she was just there to make sure Mother didn't tell The D to cut her out of his will. I swear, I know she would've if she'd known half the lies the evil bitch told. And that she'd choked and threatened me at the hospital. And turned my entire extended family against me and little sis, Daphne. But that's neither here nor there. Daph is big into Karma these days and she keeps reminding me "What comes around, goes around." Wise words.

My Karma's been improving leaps and bounds and it's paying off big time with my biz, adjusting to life with The D, and lots of other little things.

Ok, enough rambling. I'd better get busy. The Piper is about to break my knees if I don't pay up...

What a good girl am I!

Good daughter, anyway. Took The D for his blood work today. After that, we went to Blue Plate for lunch. His kinda food. He had white bean soup, cornbread, turnip greens, fried okra and a salad. I had the best BLT ever. Tons of extra crispy bacon. If it were summer and the tomato was better, it would've been just perfect. We left with a nice doggie bag - the key to my survival sometimes.

I got some important client work done this afternoon - only three days late on a huge deadline. When I got home, I told The D we were going on an excursion. He said he'd just had a shower and if he went out he'd catch a cold. I said "Daddy, temperature doesn't cause colds, germs do. That's an old wives' tale." Believe me, I know. Half the time I'm running out the door with wet hair. I've done it for years. And I NEVER get sick. Except for a horrible summer flu every year or two - nothing to do with cold weather.

I told The D we were going to the Community Center. I left out the part about Senior Citizens. Funny thing, when I called about it, the lady asked me if I was old enough to drive! She meant to join. As it turns out, in just six short months, I WILL be old enough to join. Also, to do the senior olympics. Join AARP. Ugh.

When we got there, Betsy, the lady I'd talked to, showed us around. She was a card. She cusses like a sailor - gotta love that! Not in front of The D, of course. I started to say "shit" and caught myself and she said, go ahead and say it - I do! I told her that I'm trying to say Sugar Honey Iced Tea instead of shit, but it just takes too long.

Our tour included the big room used for lunches, dance classes, and lots of other thrilling events. There were quite a few ladies dancing away - not a man in sight. The D got some double takes. I shudder to think of him dating. On the other hand, if he had a girlfriend (can you still be a girlfriend at that age?) who was a good cook, that might be a great thing! Wonder if I'd have to give him the safe sex talk.

That reminds me. Every time I took my mother to the hospital, I was with her when they went through a million health questions. Including some crazy ones.
Do you have any tattoos?
Do you have any STD's? I had to interpret that STD = VD.
Have you had sex with a prostitute or anyone who might have had sex with a prostitute?
Could you be pregnant? Puhhhleease! 75 years old - pregnant?
These were good for a laugh.
Then, the piece de resistance... Are you sexually active? She said yes. I cringed and said "Oh my God! I don't want to know that." She just laughed at me when I turned as red as the blood they'd just drawn from her vein. Mother had an amazing sense of humor. I asked the nurse why in the world they asked those questions and she said they had to. Nuts. So I guess that's why I had the icky thought of having "the talk" with The D.

That reminds me of something else. This morning I called my little sis (the coupon fanatic), Daphne. My voice was kinda froggy for some reason. I came up with a great idea for a solution to her dilemma for organizing 100 lbs. of coupons. So I said, "Daph, I have the perfect"...pause for emphasis... and before I could say "solution...for your...coupons", she said "You've got Herpes?!" I said, "Good god, no. Would you let me finish?" How does "perfect" sound like "herpes"? I swear, when we're together, it's like Abbott and Costello doing Who's on First. Seriously. No idea where that thought came from. Don't wanna know.

Back to the senior center. The pool room was full of lots of cute, flirty old men. The D was wearing his USAF Retired cap, and that was an instant ice breaker. They were telling him about their "Womanless Wedding" skit, which sounds dangerously like a drag show.

Pretty exciting is their daily lunch with Blue Plate-esque food. I figured out that CSF = chicken fried steak. It's $4 for members and $5 for guests. Tomorrow is catfish. I hope I have time to take him. I'll have to pay $5 until I'm eligible to join. It's only $12/year - unbelievable! I'm not proud - I'll sign right up. Besides, I might find the man of my dreams. I do like older men. With health insurance. COBRA runs out about the same time my odometer rolls over to the next decade.

The D retreated to the TV room while I chatted up the really cute guy who runs the show. I refrained from asking him about his health insurance, but it's probably great since he works for the government. I asked him if he was a member or on the staff. He got my sense of humor. He does happen to be over 50 - my minimum.

We left with a calendar and menu in hand, and The D patted Betsy on the back - a very good sign.

Wow - It's Wednesday!

Great couple days. Prospective clients coming out of the woodwork. Trying to hire help. Finally figured out what I already knew. You get what you pay for. CPA friends on hiatus to raise children. If I can figure out the cloud, I'll be irresistable - best benefit of all is working at home in your pajamas. No time to train newbies, and fuck the no-shows. If they'd rather tend bar than be what they trained for in college, I'm not interested.

Like I always say, I figure it out as I go along.
Got mama's spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove. The D promised to stir it every half hour. I'm heading to the gym w/ J - super-cool GF. Only b/c she promised fun after - booze and food. She's the best.

Over and out....