Welcome to my world!

My life's been crazy since my Daddy moved in with me immediately after my mother's death in October 2010. My one and only kiddo headed to college at Carolina at the end of August. So...I lived on my own, for the first time in my life, for a total of a blissful six weeks. Then, I started the parenting gig with my dad. He's a combination of a grouchy old man, a surly teenager and a temperamental toddler. Needless to say, I get very close to the brink of insanity sometimes. I get through life by finding the humor in difficult circumstances. And for some reason, I wind up in the weirdest situations. I couldn't make this stuff up. So I wind up having lots and lots crazy adventures which make great stories to share with my friends. Writing about my life is so therapeutic. My ramblings range from funny to sad to angry (full of cuss words) to sweet. While my focus is dealing with the trials and tribulations of being a parent to my Daddy, I have lots of random, totally unrelated posts. Whatever's on my mind. I love to make people laugh, and I'm happy to think my readers will get my strange sense of humor. And maybe, people who are in my situation will be encouraged. That's all I can hope for...

Sunday, June 12, 2011


My girl Jo and I decided to hit the GreenLine yesterday. She's a late sleeper and she was detained by a drop-in guest when she was leaving her house, so it was after 11 before we got started. Which means it was hot. Lately, I've been under the influence of a friend who's really into healthy shit. Like water (drunk out of non-BSP contaminated containers - glass is best), ground golden flax seed, yogurt... You get the idea. So I've started this major cleanse/detox thing this week. I've been running and sweating and hydrating like crazy. I've scaled way back on my beer consumption, given up Diet Cokes (oddly, they don't even taste good to me now), switched to Stevia from Splenda in my organic and freshly ground coffee, and done some other crazy things, like putting Greek yogurt in The D's banana pudding.

Now, I don't want to give this homeopathic friend all the credit. My bone density test was borderline. I've been throwing back lots of supplements - calcium, vitamin D3, B12. I was doing this for a while but got out of the habit lately. I forgot how many I'm supposed to take and I've been just popping two or three, but I need to figure it out so I can do it right. Don't worry, these are water-soluble vitamins and minerals, so any excess is excreted. You have to be careful with the ones that aren't, like vitamin A, I think. Again, I need to research it. That reminds me. I need to order some fish oil. You have to get pharmaceutical grade, because the cheap stuff can have mercury or lead in it, which is the last thing I need. It's hard to find and more expensive, but worth it. It's good for your brain and heart and all that ails you. A panacea of sorts. But it does make me bruise more easily, if that's possible. When I asked the doc about it when I had my checkup, he said I'm bruising easily because I'm getting older. He's such an asshole. I asked him how old he was and guessed 60. He was offended. Said he was 54. He's had some kind of makeover and is using hair gel - so passe. But he is verging on being cute. I think I'm going to have to switch to a woman doc. Oh, never mind. When my COBRA runs out next month, I'll be going to the free clinic.

Back to the water. I've been slugging back lots of it. Oh, by the way, I've lost a good five pounds this week! Didn't expect that. Not complaining, though. Before losing these five, I'd gained about ten pounds since last summer, so there are a few of my fun summer clothes I can't fit into. Like my favorite pair of shorts. Maybe by the time I head out of town on my next adventure (to be announced) in a couple weeks, I'll be in them. According to Oprah, ten pounds equals one dress size. Who knew?

Now, the GreenLine. The heat's never bothered me to start with. Years of roasting in the broiling heat all weekend long for kiddo's interminable baseball tournaments has probably helped. But the truth is, I'm just a lizard when it comes to the heat. Which means I'm a poikilotherm. JoJo, on the other hand, is a delicate Southern flower. She wilts in the heat. Which means the GreenLine isn't great when it's in the upper nineties. Because it's a line. When we start at the entrance near me, we usually go all the way to Shelby Farms so Miss Thimble Bladder can hit the Visitor Center's restroom and we can refill our water bottles. It's a pretty good distance. She said six miles, but I think it's more like four or five. Still. So, yesterday, after we hit the point of no return where we were closer to the Visitor Center than our starting place, she started getting overheated. We didn't have a choice but to keep going. She started getting chills and I started getting worried. I finally convinced her to sit down in the shade for a few minutes while we figured out someone to pick us up at the park. Luckily, I had my phone. I never go without it in case The D needs me. We made a few calls and it turned out that my ex was home. He lives about a mile from me, and even closer to the GreenLine entrance, so I asked him to come get us. I had to argue with Jo about it. She'd never met him. People don't understand that we get along so well. Our divorce really was very amicable. He's always there for me in a crisis. Like my mother's death. He even took a day off work to stay with The D while I did all the funeral planning shit. He's a mensch.

By the time we got to the VC, J was looking pretty rough. The park rangers had a cool pack thing for her wrists and that did the trick. Mensch was there waiting with a bottle of Gatorade, even. G2 - the low calorie kind. It was perfect. I sounded like my healthy friend, harping at her to hydrate.

We got her back, safe and sound, and I sent her home to cool off so we could hit the golf tourney and get hot all over again. If I hadn't had my primo clubhouse tix, I couldn't have talked her into going. But she agreed. She'd never been. I told her it would be like old home week and we'd see lots of people we knew. We got there and headed straight for the clubhouse to eat. We shared an amazing chicken wrap, complete with dried cranberries. Then we headed out. By then it was 4:30 or so. Still hot as hell. Since I have no clue about golf, we just started walking. We happened upon a huge crowd gathered around, watching the golfers putting on the green. Where else would you putt, though? The CBS Sports camera was there, so we figured that was the place to be. It did turn out to be the leader. Karlsson. We acted like we were interested. Had our cell phones on silent, clapped politely when the rest of the crowd did. Spoke in whispers. When the last putt was sunk, the crowd started moving. Like lemmings, we joined right in. For some reason, I was in a big hurry to get there. JoJo, not so much. We kept walking and walking, way past our primo parking spot. At some point, we decided we didn't want to go so we turned back. Then we were like salmon swimming upstream. Didn't see a soul we knew. But we did see George Klein in the clubhouse. We talked about all the Georges we knew. Way too many. Especially since we both wince when our mutual G's name comes up. Luckily that doesn't happen much any more. All ties are severed. Still, he's a mover and shaker and a publicity hound and consequently, there are reminders.

JoJo started getting overheated again, so we high-tailed it back to the clubhouse. The bar had closed. Some kinda PGA rule - last call is 30 minutes after the last tee-off or something. We debated going somewhere else, but finally settled on stopping by Fresh Market and getting something good to fix at Jo's house. Which turned out to be the most incredible crostini in the world. She had the great idea of getting muffaletta spread (cheaper than tapenade, and it turned out, better), and we got goat cheese and tomatoes and a baguette. Oh, and artichoke hearts and olives stuffed with sun-dried tomatoes from the antipasto bar. She had fresh basil in her garden - that was the key. Yum.

While the crostini was in the oven, we sat outside. A storm blew up and the wind was blowing and it actually started to feel cool. It started lightning and the redneck kids in the yard behind us were still in their pool. We laughed about natural selection. Not that we were any smarter being out there. When huge raindrops started kerplunking on our heads, we grabbed everything and ran inside. We were grateful for the water. Our yards needed hydrating. After such a wet spring, it's turned into a dustbowl.

The rain was so cleansing, too. It cleared some of the haze hovering over our city. And washed all the bird poop off my car. I've been parking under the tree at the end of my driveway. I need to shuffle the cars around and get back under the carport.

We had a nice time, just chillaxin'. I headed home kinda early when she and BF settled in to watch some little foreign film. That reminds me. There was that really popular movie called The Postman. Italian with English subtitles, I think. I tried to watch it several times and could never stay awake more than halfway through. So I never understood the big fuss about it.

Back to the water. It's cooling, cleansing, and crucial for life. And we don't fully appreciate how blessed we are to be able to turn on our faucets and drink pure, cheap water from artesian wells. Out of glass. Without BSPs. Memphis is known for good water.

This is from water.org:

Today’s water crisis is not an issue of scarcity, but of access. More people in the world own cell phones than have access to a toilet. And as cities and slums grow at increasing rates, the situation worsens. Every day, lack of access to clean water and sanitation kills thousands, leaving others with reduced quality of life.

Kiddo's in Tanzania right now. I have a feeling he'll have first-hand knowledge of that. That he'll come back with a new appreciation for just how rich we are in the whole scheme of things.

So today, when I hydrate, I'll stop and think, try to be in the moment, and be thankful for all the good things I have, not the least of which is pure, clean, refreshing water.

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