I'm determined not to. Just yesterday, I realized that I haven't attended a single holiday event. No Sunday School or office parties. No school events. No black Friday outings (not counting Walgreens that night). No cocktail parties or gala events (not my thing, anyway). No Christmas concerts/cantatas/plays.
Instead, I've been quite content ordering random things on Amazon. Including my new, super-duper, three-in-one Shop-Vac. It blows/vacuums/mulches. Leaves. Wet ones or dry ones. And I have plenty of those. It's ginormous. I'm going to spend considerable time figuring out lots of creative uses for my new gadget. I'm thinking I could convert it into a carpet cleaner, pressure washer, air purifier, chimney sweep, dryer vent reamer, dog groomer/bather, gutter cleaner, ceiling fan duster, white noise machine, air duct cleaner... The possibilities are endless. Like my imagination.
Speaking of dogs. Only in Memphis. The missing pit-bull, who was stolen by a city (animal shelter) employee at 2:00 a.m. (caught on surveillance, no less) named Kapone (gotta love a hip-hop sounding dog name), was recovered today. In, of all places, Senatobia, Mississloppi. This is stranger than WM3. Really. I've been to Senatobia. Pit bulls, corrupt Memphis city employees and rural Missssippians don't mix. Maybe I'm wrong. This could be the New South. Maybe we all just CAN get along.
Pit bulls are on my mind. I decided to take my money-pit-of-a-lemon-Subaru to a mom & pop shop instead of to the evil dealer. I won't digress except to say, there's the devil you know, the devil you don't know, and the satanic car you sell your soul to maintain.
So... Pit bulls. Mom & Pop. After a week and a half of waiting for the autopsy of my lemon, I finally got the go ahead to pick it up. I was greeted by two very muscular, slobbering, snarling, scary dogs. I was assured that they were "sweeties", and that they couldn't reach my jugular, but nonetheless, I didn't complain about my $1,600 bill. Nosirrreee. I even thought about adding a tip. Clever marketing ploy, I must say.
Kiddo was with me and I told him to roll in a ball if the dogs jumped over the counter. He had an air of false bravado. Didn't fool me. Or the dogs. They can smell fear.
Enough about that. While we're on the subject of our neighbor to the south, rednecks, corruption and breaking news stories, check this out. The mayor of Southaven. Just google it. Connect the dots. How embarrassing. It even makes me cringe. No schadenfraude here.
But... Which came first? The lemon drop martini or the gay porn? I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. I'm not a hater. Except when it comes to smarmy politicians... And pit bulls...
All for now.
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