Justifiable Felinicide

The Bulimic Cat is killing me.  So if I killed her first, wouldn't that make it self defense?  She had a major binge/purge spell last week.  A few years ago, she threw up on me during the night.  Ever since, if I hear her retching, I sit bolt upright.  If she's on my bed, I push her off.  Once I hear her yack, I turn over and go back to sleep, knowing I'll have a pleasant little chore to tend to in the morning.

She woke me up this way, not once, but twice one night recently.  The doorknob to my Enchanted Aerie doesn't catch.  So I took to barricading my bedroom door.  If I'd ever remember to buy one of those wedge shaped doorstops, I wouldn't have a problem.  But I never think of it until I'm going to bed.

So I put heavy things against the door.  And it's amazing how much weight BC can move with her little battering ram of a head.  The other night, she got past the vacuum cleaner.  One night, I moved a bookcase in front of the door.  That was a little extreme, but it stopped her.  Right now, I have two cable boxes shoved against the door.  They're pretty heavy.  Three times, she's started her head-butting, and three times, I've jumped out of bed to push the door closed before she got it open enough to squeeze through. 

And now I have to pee.  That's why I don't use the bookcase any more.  The problem, though, is that when I go to the bathroom, I can't close the door behind me and she can sneak in.  More than once, I've come back to the EA, barricaded the door, settled into bed with a nice, empty bladder, and felt that familiar bounce of BC jumping onto my bed.  Fuck.  So frustrating.

So here I sit.  At 2 a.m.  Wide awake.  Needing to pee.  And hating that evil cat...