Welcome to my world!

My life's been crazy since my Daddy moved in with me immediately after my mother's death in October 2010. My one and only kiddo headed to college at Carolina at the end of August. So...I lived on my own, for the first time in my life, for a total of a blissful six weeks. Then, I started the parenting gig with my dad. He's a combination of a grouchy old man, a surly teenager and a temperamental toddler. Needless to say, I get very close to the brink of insanity sometimes. I get through life by finding the humor in difficult circumstances. And for some reason, I wind up in the weirdest situations. I couldn't make this stuff up. So I wind up having lots and lots crazy adventures which make great stories to share with my friends. Writing about my life is so therapeutic. My ramblings range from funny to sad to angry (full of cuss words) to sweet. While my focus is dealing with the trials and tribulations of being a parent to my Daddy, I have lots of random, totally unrelated posts. Whatever's on my mind. I love to make people laugh, and I'm happy to think my readers will get my strange sense of humor. And maybe, people who are in my situation will be encouraged. That's all I can hope for...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

What a good girl am I!

Good daughter, anyway. Took The D for his blood work today. After that, we went to Blue Plate for lunch. His kinda food. He had white bean soup, cornbread, turnip greens, fried okra and a salad. I had the best BLT ever. Tons of extra crispy bacon. If it were summer and the tomato was better, it would've been just perfect. We left with a nice doggie bag - the key to my survival sometimes.

I got some important client work done this afternoon - only three days late on a huge deadline. When I got home, I told The D we were going on an excursion. He said he'd just had a shower and if he went out he'd catch a cold. I said "Daddy, temperature doesn't cause colds, germs do. That's an old wives' tale." Believe me, I know. Half the time I'm running out the door with wet hair. I've done it for years. And I NEVER get sick. Except for a horrible summer flu every year or two - nothing to do with cold weather.

I told The D we were going to the Community Center. I left out the part about Senior Citizens. Funny thing, when I called about it, the lady asked me if I was old enough to drive! She meant to join. As it turns out, in just six short months, I WILL be old enough to join. Also, to do the senior olympics. Join AARP. Ugh.

When we got there, Betsy, the lady I'd talked to, showed us around. She was a card. She cusses like a sailor - gotta love that! Not in front of The D, of course. I started to say "shit" and caught myself and she said, go ahead and say it - I do! I told her that I'm trying to say Sugar Honey Iced Tea instead of shit, but it just takes too long.

Our tour included the big room used for lunches, dance classes, and lots of other thrilling events. There were quite a few ladies dancing away - not a man in sight. The D got some double takes. I shudder to think of him dating. On the other hand, if he had a girlfriend (can you still be a girlfriend at that age?) who was a good cook, that might be a great thing! Wonder if I'd have to give him the safe sex talk.

That reminds me. Every time I took my mother to the hospital, I was with her when they went through a million health questions. Including some crazy ones.
Do you have any tattoos?
Do you have any STD's? I had to interpret that STD = VD.
Have you had sex with a prostitute or anyone who might have had sex with a prostitute?
Could you be pregnant? Puhhhleease! 75 years old - pregnant?
These were good for a laugh.
Then, the piece de resistance... Are you sexually active? She said yes. I cringed and said "Oh my God! I don't want to know that." She just laughed at me when I turned as red as the blood they'd just drawn from her vein. Mother had an amazing sense of humor. I asked the nurse why in the world they asked those questions and she said they had to. Nuts. So I guess that's why I had the icky thought of having "the talk" with The D.

That reminds me of something else. This morning I called my little sis (the coupon fanatic), Daphne. My voice was kinda froggy for some reason. I came up with a great idea for a solution to her dilemma for organizing 100 lbs. of coupons. So I said, "Daph, I have the perfect"...pause for emphasis... and before I could say "solution...for your...coupons", she said "You've got Herpes?!" I said, "Good god, no. Would you let me finish?" How does "perfect" sound like "herpes"? I swear, when we're together, it's like Abbott and Costello doing Who's on First. Seriously. No idea where that thought came from. Don't wanna know.

Back to the senior center. The pool room was full of lots of cute, flirty old men. The D was wearing his USAF Retired cap, and that was an instant ice breaker. They were telling him about their "Womanless Wedding" skit, which sounds dangerously like a drag show.

Pretty exciting is their daily lunch with Blue Plate-esque food. I figured out that CSF = chicken fried steak. It's $4 for members and $5 for guests. Tomorrow is catfish. I hope I have time to take him. I'll have to pay $5 until I'm eligible to join. It's only $12/year - unbelievable! I'm not proud - I'll sign right up. Besides, I might find the man of my dreams. I do like older men. With health insurance. COBRA runs out about the same time my odometer rolls over to the next decade.

The D retreated to the TV room while I chatted up the really cute guy who runs the show. I refrained from asking him about his health insurance, but it's probably great since he works for the government. I asked him if he was a member or on the staff. He got my sense of humor. He does happen to be over 50 - my minimum.

We left with a calendar and menu in hand, and The D patted Betsy on the back - a very good sign.

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