Welcome to my world!

My life's been crazy since my Daddy moved in with me immediately after my mother's death in October 2010. My one and only kiddo headed to college at Carolina at the end of August. So...I lived on my own, for the first time in my life, for a total of a blissful six weeks. Then, I started the parenting gig with my dad. He's a combination of a grouchy old man, a surly teenager and a temperamental toddler. Needless to say, I get very close to the brink of insanity sometimes. I get through life by finding the humor in difficult circumstances. And for some reason, I wind up in the weirdest situations. I couldn't make this stuff up. So I wind up having lots and lots crazy adventures which make great stories to share with my friends. Writing about my life is so therapeutic. My ramblings range from funny to sad to angry (full of cuss words) to sweet. While my focus is dealing with the trials and tribulations of being a parent to my Daddy, I have lots of random, totally unrelated posts. Whatever's on my mind. I love to make people laugh, and I'm happy to think my readers will get my strange sense of humor. And maybe, people who are in my situation will be encouraged. That's all I can hope for...

Monday, March 21, 2011

High Finance


I'm a CPA and I can't even add five numbers together and get the right total. No biggie. I was just off $10,000. Damn. I knew it was too good to be true. That I had WAY more money than I needed for my loan closing Thursday. A very nice cushion. But it turns out that I'm actually short about $7k. I have enough in my brokerage account, but I was hoping I could leave it there and use it to gamble invest. Which reminds me. My stocks were up huge today. The Dow & S&P were up 1.5% but I was up 3%. Hot damn. Get this. My biggest holding was up 6.82%. In one day. Since I have about a fourth of my portfolio in it, it translated into a very nice gain. Some investment advisers would think I'm reckless, but I'm not worried. I believe in this company. Ok, I'm sure I'm boring everyone.

Let's get to the fun stuff. I spent the afternoon visiting my favorite bankers. Making deposits. For clients, The D and me. My first stop was my favorite bank. They're always so sweet to me. I feel like a big deal there. Truth is, they just put up with me because I brought them a very nice client. It's a small boutique bank, and just like Cheers, everybody knows my name. Even poor Tripp, whom I always call Trey. And there's Welby, the sweet, sweet receptionist. She's adorable and pretty and has such a cool name. If I go late on a Friday, she gets me a beer and we hang out in the conference room. I don't think she drinks, but I'm not above drinking alone.

Today, Sabra had some cashier's checks for me. So cool. I email at 7 in the morning and they're ready for me at 10. She has the longest eyelashes in the world. I couldn't stop myself from asking her if they were real. So rude. They were. And she doesn't use that new eyelash grower stuff. When I finally exhausted that subject, I bade farewell. Sabra asked me if I wanted a drink for the road. So I headed to the little fridge for VIP clients. OMG, they had great stuff. Perrier, exotic fruit juices - it looked like the beverage case at Whole Foods. Except for the Sugar Free Red Bull. My favorite! Cool. I skipped the truffles and caviar. Grabbed the Red Bull and headed to the next bank.

I took my hefty checks and happily deposited them. I asked the teller if she had any spare paper clips. Hint - never buy paper clips again. The tellers are swimming in them. See, everyone uses paper clips to make deposits. So she found a ziploc leftover from her lunch, and loaded me up. Even put them in an envelope in case the ziploc didn't hold. Cool.

On to the next bank. Not my favorite, but The D's account is there. I was lucky to get the amazing lady who saved me from a major reality break a year ago last September. I won't go into the details except to say it's a big bank and she had to call some drone in India who had a script and couldn't handle anything out of the ordinary. Plus, she had to call the same fuckin' 800 number as I did. I wound up calling the executive offices and ranting. I told them how wonderful Ruby was and that she was the only reason I didn't pull all my clients' biz from their impersonal, inept bank, which was doomed for failure if they didn't get their shit together. Oh, just remembered. I own stock in said bank, and used my never-fail approach - called Investor Relations. Anything to get outta the customer (dis)service loop.

So I was very excited to see Ruby. I had two checks to cash and she didn't even ask me for my ID. Because she knew me. Imagine that.

I headed home with my deposit slips, paper clips and Red Bull. Happy as a clam. Until I discovered my little math error. But it's no big deal.

I've spent way too much time on this fuckin loan. Gonna hop on client work now. I see an all-nighter or two in my future. First, though, I'm gonna figure out something for The D's supper. I think I'll listen to my handy-dandy MP3 so I won't have to hear his bitching. He's impossible to please lately.

Oh, I went for a good run. Did so much better than last time. My legs are sore, but my muffin-top's feelin' a little smaller. It's all good...

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