Welcome to my world!

My life's been crazy since my Daddy moved in with me immediately after my mother's death in October 2010. My one and only kiddo headed to college at Carolina at the end of August. So...I lived on my own, for the first time in my life, for a total of a blissful six weeks. Then, I started the parenting gig with my dad. He's a combination of a grouchy old man, a surly teenager and a temperamental toddler. Needless to say, I get very close to the brink of insanity sometimes. I get through life by finding the humor in difficult circumstances. And for some reason, I wind up in the weirdest situations. I couldn't make this stuff up. So I wind up having lots and lots crazy adventures which make great stories to share with my friends. Writing about my life is so therapeutic. My ramblings range from funny to sad to angry (full of cuss words) to sweet. While my focus is dealing with the trials and tribulations of being a parent to my Daddy, I have lots of random, totally unrelated posts. Whatever's on my mind. I love to make people laugh, and I'm happy to think my readers will get my strange sense of humor. And maybe, people who are in my situation will be encouraged. That's all I can hope for...

Friday, March 18, 2011

A Perfect St. Patrick's Day

Wow. Things went swimmingly yesterday. I'm way overdue for a cluster fuck day. Not that I'm complaining. It's just more fun to blog about.

I forgot to wear green. The only person who pinched me was a minister. The pastor at my church client. Completely innocent, though - just my arm. Besides being a preacher and a client, he and his wife are my good friends. I reminded him that the three of us met for happy hour at Dan McGuiness two years ago. In fact, I blurted out, "Call Linda and y'all come meet me for green beer!" I wasn't using my inside voice. Oops - I hope none of his parishoners were within earshot. At least not the conservative ones. But Methodists, unlike Baptists, are cool. Praise the Lord, I saw the light and jumped ship.

The church treasurer was there, and he jumped my case about all current year bills being in a big pile, unfiled. I was so relieved to show him the plastic file bin I'd schlepped with me that very day. Told him I would have everything in place next week. One time he told me to clean off my desk. It hurt my feelings, but I complied. He doesn't show it, but he really likes me. Sometimes, I even make him smile. He gets my silly sense of humor. He's pretty funny, too. I think he was grouchy because LSU didn't make it into the NCAA tourney.

I unloaded the fudge sheet cake left over from Mother's birthday celebration. It's like crack to me and I'm hypoglycemic - bad combo. Paid Terminix rodent bill. I'd shredded it because I confused it with the spider bill, which is way more than the regular bug bill. Go figure. What ever happened to D-con? But no. They are so reactionary. When the Swine Flu was scaring the shit out of everyone, they wanted to sign a contract with a company which would "give" us a bunch of touchless dispensers for hand sanitizer. As long as we bought all the hand sanitizer from them. Hmmm. Was this such a great deal? I don't think so. Ever heard of the Razor-Razorblade Model? Here's investopedia.com's explanation: If you've ever purchased razors and their replacement blades, you know this business method well. The razors are practically free, but the replacement blades are extremely expensive.

Random thought. Iodine. Who ever knew it could prevent radiation poisoning. Can I just eat lots of salt? I always get the iodized kind.

Ok, I'll try not to be so acerbic. Back to the good things. I'll fast forward past the $5 wireless mouses I bought at Office Depot and my futile attempt to buy adding machine tape that would fit in the adding machines they sell (I bought a printer for which they didn't sell toner cartridges - fuck - what idiots.)

While I was in the checkout line, I noticed a strange guy with a green Irish Yoga t-shirt. I couldn't make out the words, and while I was squinting in a futile attemept to read it, dude turned his head and looked at me. I whipped my head away. See, I figured it said something sexual because I thought the cartoon drawings were of people in some sort of Irish sexual positions. When I got home and googled Irish Yoga, I realized that the picture involved drunk people passed out in yoga-like positions. Damn. I have got to start wearing my glasses. But that would probably be worse since I have to roll my head around to focus since I'm not used to bifocals.

I tried to talk The D into going to the Senior Center for lunch for corned beef and cabbage, but he refused. He ate my niece's venison chili - he loves it. For dinner, I was thinking of making stew. Right about that time, my friend Ruth called to invite The D and me over for brisket and cabbage. I twisted Daddy's arm and he agreed. I cut some of my rabid rosemary for Ruth. It smells so good and it has little purple flowers at the moment. Then we stopped by Kroger and picked out three kinds of ice cream - triple chocolate, mint chocolate chip and butter pecan.

When Ruth called, she told me that she dropped two of the beers I'd taken the last time we went over. So she had sent Jerry to buy "a double pack of Light Bud". Imagine her saying this with her beautiful Polish accent. So sweet. Now I have two friends keeping their fridges stocked with beer, just for me. How great is that? Our dinner was delish. With the brisket, we had the best cabbage I've ever eaten. Yummy mashed potatoes (Ruth uses cream cheese in hers). Beer, of course. And lots of ice cream. We decided to go get Jerry's sister. She lives around the corner. She was delightful, too.

Daddy retired to their den to watch TV and I held court in the kitchen. We laughed about my silly plans to snag their son for my husband. They're completely on board. Hopefully, not just because he might come to town more often. He lives in Florida. We've never met in person, but we've had lots of great telephone convo's.

Ok, funny/strange thing. Just this moment, while I'm writing about trying to find a man, a commercial came on for a dating website called ChristianMingle.com. It helps singles find God's choice for their future spouse. Wow. God's using the internet now. It reminds me of that song called Hotline to Jesus.

Back to Ruth and Jerry. They gave me my second Polish lesson. My favorite new phrase is i mozna ciebie tolerowac. I can tolerate you. To use when I talk to their son. It sounds nothing like it looks. Listen to it on Google Translate and you'll see what I mean. I think Polish is harder than Portuguese. I had to say it a bazillion times and still didn't get it right. They're very patient with me.

I'd better get busy now. Fridays are precarious for me. Milego dnia!

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