Breaking Up is Hard to Do

But I've decided it's time. See, I've been sleeping with several men. It all started about three years ago when I had a horrific case of insomnia. It went on and on for weeks. I was on the verge of insanity. Nothing worked. I read all about sleep hygiene and did everything I could to fix it. But the harder I tried, the worse it got. Back then, I'd read at night. I usually didn't make it long before the book fell in my face. I'd turn out the light and go to sleep. For some reason, I've never liked to just get in the bed and turn out the light. I guess I need some sort of transition or something to occupy my mind before I can relax and go to sleep.

When the insomnia set in, the book would still fall in my face, but it was like turning the light switch off turned my brain back on. I'd get up and go to another room, but that didn't help. I'd go to the sofa in the den and turn on the tv, and that was about the most sleep I got. And that wasn't quality sleep. It was very fitful.

Then one night, I remembered talk radio. I used to listen to CBS Radio Mystery Theater at night when I was a kid. My little sis is still a big late night talk radio fan. So is The D. I'd forgotten that. It took me a while to find the one and only talk radio station that wasn't all about sports or politics or religion. And that, my friend, is an a.m. station featuring a nightly program called Coast to Coast A.M. It was the answer to my problems. And that's when I started sleeping with George Noory and Ian Punnett and anyone else who came along.

I think my brain is changing, though. Maybe it's all this healthiness. For the last week or so, I seem to wake up during the night and if the sleep timer's gone off, I turn it back on. It's like I can't sleep without the radio. All night long my brain is filled with thoughts of shadow people and zombies and alien abductions and electromagnetic waves. And my men leave me at 4:00.

So last night, I decided it was time to end the affairs. I'd retrieved the book I'd lent Jolynna before I read it. The Help. In hardback. She'd wrecked it by reading it in the bathtub and spilling red wine on the pages. Oh, well. It's just a book. I was going to save it for the plane on my next little trip, but I couldn't wait. It's been a long time since I've read any fiction. I've had trouble with the old attention span. But last night, it felt so good to settle back into a comfortable routine. Nothing better than taking a warm shower to wash away all the dried sweat on a summer night, turning the A/C down really cold, getting in bed with wet hair, covered up in just sheets and a cotton blanket. With a brand new book.

And sure enough, the book hit me in the face. And I turned off the light and went to sleep. I still woke up several times, missing the voices of my faithful companions, but I suppose it'll just take time.